'Hi and welcome to PitchTV, I'm Paul and today we've got an exciting new tools for every keen DIYer, The new BLADERRUNNER by Gyproc allows you to slice your fingers off with one easy movement, the special double blade technology allows one blade to concentrate on your skin and flesh and the other to savagely destroy your bones. For one quick payment you will recieve one BLADERUNNER, a pack of blades and a holster. But wait, theres more. Call now and you will recieve another BLADE RUNNER, another pack of blades and another holster, BUT WAIT, THERES MORE!! you will also recieve a VIP pass to your local A&E so when you do use it, you won't have to worry about waiting at the hospital for 5 hours to get your fingers sewn back on'*
* Please not this tool is completely F*****g useless and anyone who buys it deserves to lose their fingers