Wife didnt like me dura finish joke

True storey.

When I was a child I was a little fcuker. No no, I know that's hard to believe, but it's true. Anyway, at about 6 years old I started a game of jumping off of the back of the sofa onto the cushions. Numerous bollocking etc ensued, but being a little tw4t I decided to carry on 'in secret'.

Dad was a bit of a fcuker himself, so whilst I was getting on with my sofa jumping in secret, he hatched a plan. One evening before he got home I did the usual, but this time there was an almighty crack and I went straight through to the floor. I was absolutely sh1tting myself for when he got home. He naturally went ballistic, but looking back not as ballistic as would have been his usual response (think very angry Irishman, who's in a bad mood on an angry day when someone calls him a poof and drinks his beer).

I was in my 20s before he told me he'd cut halfway through the base front and back as they were replacing it anyway. It worked because I was too scared and wracked with guilt at costing them for a new sofa to do it again.

So get your saw out. :LOL:(y)
 
imago said:
True storey.

When I was a child I was a little fcuker. No no, I know that's hard to believe, but it's true. Anyway, at about 6 years old I started a game of jumping off of the back of the sofa onto the cushions. Numerous bollocking etc ensued, but being a little tw4t I decided to carry on 'in secret'.

Dad was a bit of a fcuker himself, so whilst I was getting on with my sofa jumping in secret, he hatched a plan. One evening before he got home I did the usual, but this time there was an almighty crack and I went straight through to the floor. I was absolutely sh1tting myself for when he got home. He naturally went ballistic, but looking back not as ballistic as would have been his usual response (think very angry Irishman, who's in a bad mood on an angry day when someone calls him a poof and drinks his beer).

I was in my 20s before he told me he'd cut halfway through the base front and back as they were replacing it anyway. It worked because I was too scared and wracked with guilt at costing them for a new sofa to do it again.

So get your saw out. :LOL:(y)
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So @Stevieo ok to nearly harm a 6 year old but not to let a blind dog jump in to wall hmmmm lol
 
Stevieo said:
I told @John j his video of somebody playing a painful trick on a blind dog wasn't funny.

And yes, playing cruel tricks on miscreant children is hilarious. I especially liked the man who filmed that fat little mardarse screaming because he was afraid of a baby turkey. Spoilt children are the best to wind up. Particularly fat ones.
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That was a baby turkey .

Was it on here i saw the post. How to find out who loves you most . Your wife or dog.
Lock em both in your boot for a hour a see whos happy to see you when you open it
 
John j said:
He didn't like me video of blind dog jumping in to wall when sofas been moved but likes that ye dad could of killed ye lol
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Oh, well in that case I have to say I'm in full agreement with @Stevieo I was a little sh1t that needed a lesson. There is no justification ever for being cruel to dogs, or finding enjoyment in others doing so.
 
John j said:
Little legs been jumping on bed . Wife.s freaking out saying he.s gonna smash his head on wall. I said i could put some dura finish .
Wife . What so his head bounces of wall.
Me . No it's a tougher plaster so won't damage wall as easy
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She’s wanting to fire your head against the wall see if it knocks some sense into you
 

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John j said:
So @Stevieo ok to nearly harm a 6 year old but not to let a blind dog jump in to wall hmmmm lol
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Here's a video of some children getting nothing for christmas.

Actually, some got nothing, two got some coal, two got an xbox box full of charcoal one got a card off Santa to say he was a c**t.

 
imago said:
Oh, well in that case I have to say I'm in full agreement with @Stevieo I was a little sh1t that needed a lesson. There is no justification ever for being cruel to dogs, or finding enjoyment in others doing so.
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Dog lived. I just find stuff like that funny. Wifes same.
Came home once and she.s sat on kitchen floor . Blood pouring out her finger. She said she dropped wine bottle and It smashed as she went to catch it . So i started to laugh. She showed me it and I said that's f**k all .get a plaster on it and it be rite. She was adamant she needed to go hospital. I said i do worse at work all time. Anyway after two days of her moaning bout pain I took her doctors. First f**k**g thing he said was you should of gone a n e. She still no feeling in end of that finger lol
 
Stevieo said:
Here's a video of some children getting nothing for christmas.

Actually, some got nothing, two got some coal, two got an xbox box full of charcoal one got a card off Santa to say he was a c**t.

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Last xmas we give kids the usual present on xmas eve . Lad shook it and said yes lego . Opened it was a box of Maltesers hahaah
 
my old man use to have "his seat" on the sofa and if I was sat in it he would make me move... it use to piss me off and I use to sit in it even more as it would wind him up...

Well one day he had a proper go at me and I dse

Well my mother use to keep cactus plants and a quite a few big lively ones, well one day I broke off a dozen or so spines and planted them on his seat. I knew nobody else would sit in his seat. So all I had to do was wait :D

Well he hit the roof and my mother was crying in laughter and said served him right.... He has never sat in the same seat twice in a row again :D
 
Danny said:
my old man use to have "his seat" on the sofa and if I was sat in it he would make me move... it use to piss me off and I use to sit in it even more as it would wind him up...

Well one day he had a proper go at me and I dse

Well my mother use to keep cactus plants and a quite a few big lively ones, well one day I broke off a dozen or so spines and planted them on his seat. I knew nobody else would sit in his seat. So all I had to do was wait :D

Well he hit the roof and my mother was crying in laughter and said served him right.... He has never sat in the same seat twice in a row again :D
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Should be interesting the day his will gets read.
'And to my son Danny, I leave FUCKALL for being a prick'. 'To the members of TPF, the drinks are on me'. Weyhay Danny's dad.
 
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