Mental health and depression

loky11

Well-Known Member
Hi chaps,

I don't really know what to do, I've just found out my little bro is depressed and anxious, he's 20 yrs old, he's only told my mum last week and made her promise not to tell anyone, but she's told me if confidence, he doesn't know I know but my mum doesn't know what to do as she feels she can't tell anyone, he's told her today he feels like ending it, she has her own health problems and I'm worrying for the pair of them, has anyone been through depression etc ? How did you get through it ? Cheers.
 

loky11

Well-Known Member
Call the charity Mind first thing tomorrow, they will give good advice. Be there for him, doesn’t mean he has to know you know, a text, a call can all go a long way.

Thanks man, my mums phoning doctors tomorrow, he's desperate for help, he's been spoilt all his life, doesn't work just sits at home playing computer games all day and night for the last 5 years, he's finally admitted being in his bedroom has caused it, I've had him working with me a couple of days to try and keep him occupied, he doesn't want anyone to know because he thinks hel get judged or laughed at, I've been texting him but just don't want him to do anything silly.
 

Monkey Boy

Well-Known Member
There are nhs mental health crisis phone numbers for different counties
Very good to be fair

How did it end up with you and the Mrs?
 

ChrispyUK

Well-Known Member
Thanks man, my mums phoning doctors tomorrow, he's desperate for help, he's been spoilt all his life, doesn't work just sits at home playing computer games all day and night for the last 5 years, he's finally admitted being in his bedroom has caused it, I've had him working with me a couple of days to try and keep him occupied, he doesn't want anyone to know because he thinks hel get judged or laughed at, I've been texting him but just don't want him to do anything silly.

You’ll have to try and break his daily routine slowly. Anyone who stays up all night and sleeps late into the day will eventually feel depressed. It’s not healthy as the mind is over stimulated but there’s no physical stimulus for the body.

Business worries aside, there’s a lot to be said for good hard graft and getting to sleep when your head hits the pillow.
 

paulf

Well-Known Member
Thanks man, my mums phoning doctors tomorrow, he's desperate for help, he's been spoilt all his life, doesn't work just sits at home playing computer games all day and night for the last 5 years, he's finally admitted being in his bedroom has caused it, I've had him working with me a couple of days to try and keep him occupied, he doesn't want anyone to know because he thinks hel get judged or laughed at, I've been texting him but just don't want him to do anything silly.
Sounds like he just doesn't know how fit In because he's isolated himself.
 

loky11

Well-Known Member
There are nhs mental health crisis phone numbers for different counties
Very good to be fair

How did it end up with you and the Mrs?

I've mentioned the NHS crisis to the mother but he doesn't want her to phone them, I've told her to phone them without him knowing for her sake aswell.

All good mate ta, we sorted s**t out, and now have a 4 month old boy. :)
 

loky11

Well-Known Member
You’ll have to try and break his daily routine slowly. Anyone who stays up all night and sleeps late into the day will eventually feel depressed. It’s not healthy as the mind is over stimulated but there’s no physical stimulus for the body.

Business worries aside, there’s a lot to be said for good hard graft and getting to sleep when your head hits the pillow.

He's started to get out more to be fair, he even admits he needs to get out, so I think he is slowly getting out of his routine, he's always been a shy kid so I don't think that helps, also think he's work shy like I said he's been spoilt and had everything bought for him all his life so he doesn't know much different.
 

ChrispyUK

Well-Known Member
He's started to get out more to be fair, he even admits he needs to get out, so I think he is slowly getting out of his routine, he's always been a shy kid so I don't think that helps, also think he's work shy like I said he's been spoilt and had everything bought for him all his life so he doesn't know much different.

Sounds like a good start mate. What I said probably sounds like the typical ‘pull your socks up’ type thing, but wasn’t exactly meant in that way. I was quite a shy kid and introverted and still have those traits at times...it never truly goes away. Also suffered with depression.

If you can, get him involved with something your doing from time to time to give him a different take on life and make him feel useful. It may help focus him, especially if he’s getting a few quid as well. It’s difficult because if you have introvert tendencies, it can be difficult to engage in conversation, so don’t worry if he doesn’t say much, just show him things and slowly he’ll prob open up a bit.
 

Monkey Boy

Well-Known Member
Lad back at college (which we went to every Tuesday) spoke about the subject of suicide at lunch telling us about how a Chinese kid jumped out of top floor windows or something…
The next Tuesday teacher got us all together at 8:50am and said last Wednesday said lad hung himself
 

John j

Mono Don
It’s a desperate cry for help and should be taken very seriously mate.
Yeah it is but you will find the percentage of people who do say it and never go through with it far out weight the ones that do. My lad got pissed other night and fetched home . He was found in a field saying he.s gonna kill his sen as he f**k*d his life up. I told him to get to bed and don't throw up on that carpet . He was just having a wow me moment . But there's always that 1 percent who may carry it through .
 

Brimstone

Well-Known Member
Bin thru'it myself - it's a coming of age thing, very difficult for a youngster. He needs some professional help & a good counseller/group. It can take a long while before it lifts. He needs someone other than family he can talk to, - The Doc & NHS groups are good but he needs to talk to them not your self.

Crispy spelt it out for you, totally agree with him, bit of on site/chat/opening up the world of possibles a bit will help.
Introverts always find this very hard, and depression bouts can come around again, and need to be reminded that it always lifts eventually.
 
I watched a video today from Baron Von Grumble (bikers will know him)


He has been battling with depression for a long time and although he appears to have it all he has been fighting hard...

Exercise is the key I think and doing it first thing in the morning is important.

I have battled with depression but I manage it pretty well now, as @ChrispyUK has said staying up late in front of a screen is what destroys you....
 

Cockney1

Well-Known Member
Yeah it is but you will find the percentage of people who do say it and never go through with it far out weight the ones that do. My lad got pissed other night and fetched home . He was found in a field saying he.s gonna kill his sen as he f**k*d his life up. I told him to get to bed and don't throw up on that carpet . He was just having a wow me moment . But there's always that 1 percent who may carry it through .
It’s always the “unlikely ones” that actually do go through with it mate. This is why suicide comes to such a massive shock to all the poor family that’s left behind.
 

DaiSlap

New Member
A couple of things that have helped me out of a bad spot, something similar:

1. Get a clear routine (wake-up and bed at the same time every day)
2. Get a job (if he hasn't got one already) - literally anything
3. Organise an exercise regime
4. Sort out some clear goals (...before the end of the year I want to..., in 5 years' time I want to be....)
5. Confirm friendship network and socialise
6. Get a grip on addicitons, even if you're just identifying them (social media, booze). Cutting out alcohol for a few months really sorted me out
7. Take a social media break

Hope it works out mate.
 

Steve Brown

Well-Known Member
He needs a purpose that’s the main problem with all this mental health business at present. f**k the social media shite off and get out for a walk in a rural environment. I love the simple things now wildlife, sun on on my back, fresh air and it costs bugger all.
 

loky11

Well-Known Member
A couple of things that have helped me out of a bad spot, something similar:

1. Get a clear routine (wake-up and bed at the same time every day)
2. Get a job (if he hasn't got one already) - literally anything
3. Organise an exercise regime
4. Sort out some clear goals (...before the end of the year I want to..., in 5 years' time I want to be....)
5. Confirm friendship network and socialise
6. Get a grip on addicitons, even if you're just identifying them (social media, booze). Cutting out alcohol for a few months really sorted me out
7. Take a social media break

Hope it works out mate.
Cheers buddy,

He hasn't got any routine as he doesn't work, doesn't see his mates really as they've all turned into druggies, I think he could have autism or bi polar, he's at the quacks in Thursday so hopefully they help him.
 

loky11

Well-Known Member
He needs a purpose that’s the main problem with all this mental health business at present. f**k the social media shite off and get out for a walk in a rural environment. I love the simple things now wildlife, sun on on my back, fresh air and it costs bugger all.

There's a place not far from us that's a popular dog walking place, almost like a forest with a waterfall and a cafe, he likes it there, so been going as often as he can but he doesn't drive, (currently doing his lessons)
 
Like mentioned above every time someone speaks of depression or anxiety it is a cry for help not being in a position they’d dreamed or achieving something by a certain point of there life.
You really need to take diet and excercise seriously .. set a goal to achieve something whether it be a 10 k run. He’s probably blind sided himself by playing on that game for most of his time and realised what he’s done in the past years has been a waste … I bet if he’s not on his game he’ll be playing on his phone .. firstly should get away from the two as much as possible… all comes down to him the only person that can help him is himself it’s ok people telling him what he should and shouldn’t do but it’s up to him to do it..
9/10 people who tell you they will never do
 

loky11

Well-Known Member
Like mentioned above every time someone speaks of depression or anxiety it is a cry for help not being in a position they’d dreamed or achieving something by a certain point of there life.
You really need to take diet and excercise seriously .. set a goal to achieve something whether it be a 10 k run. He’s probably blind sided himself by playing on that game for most of his time and realised what he’s done in the past years has been a waste … I bet if he’s not on his game he’ll be playing on his phone .. firstly should get away from the two as much as possible… all comes down to him the only person that can help him is himself it’s ok people telling him what he should and shouldn’t do but it’s up to him to do it..
9/10 people who tell you they will never do

This sounds like him, he's admitted he's wasted 5 years sat in his room playing his game, mothers absolutely nackerd and feels awful she can't tell my old man, he's old school and says things how they are straight up blunt, which is why he doesn't want him to know.
 
This sounds like him, he's admitted he's wasted 5 years sat in his room playing his game, mothers absolutely nackerd and feels awful she can't tell my old man, he's old school and says things how they are straight up blunt, which is why he doesn't want him to know.
I think sit down with him and have a good talk about something to aim for weather it be with you keep his mind occupied .. he’ll realise soon enough there’s better things to life than telling himself he doesn’t want to be here… does he have a girlfriend?
 

loky11

Well-Known Member
I think sit down with him and have a good talk about something to aim for weather it be with you keep his mind occupied .. he’ll realise soon enough there’s better things to life than telling himself he doesn’t want to be here… does he have a girlfriend?
He doesn't know I know as he doesn't want anyone to know, no he doesn't have a girlfriend.
 

Dollar

Well-Known Member
Depression is the motivator (not the demon )people are told the opposite take some time off /here is some more pills /stay in bed come back when you have used those ...

.You can outrun depression needs some real goals ..more women /earn more money/ better job ect you won’t have time to think of anything else ... /If you leave someone alone isolated eat poison / give them social media no need to leave that area / that is a recipe for self destruction ...
 

Brimstone

Well-Known Member
Well from Dollar that's a real positive message - he will need to start small with some easy goals = rewarding. Even stupid ones like switching off the games an hour before bed and going to bed on time, and maybe a college course, even if it is an evening cookery course. (MP's recommend it, sic).

He does sound as if he is on the autistic spectrum, many of us are, and that makes it very hard to change but the fact that he has started to realiseits necessary is a big plus.
 

DaiSlap

New Member
Cheers buddy,

He hasn't got any routine as he doesn't work, doesn't see his mates really as they've all turned into druggies, I think he could have autism or bi polar, he's at the quacks in Thursday so hopefully they help him.
Good luck pal. Just making sure he feels part of things will help. I take it you’re a plasterer so get him out with you maybe for some labouring.

I found the busier I kept myself the less time I was thinking about the negative stuff.
 

Stewie03

Well-Known Member
Maybe he feels he has no purpose to his life after realising he wasted years sat in his room and with not many prospects to his name he needs to get out there and experience life
 

The Apprentice

Well-Known Member
It just shows how far folk have travelled of late with an understanding and appreciation of mental health issues. Itwasn’t long back when it would have been an excuse to take the piss.
with regards to getting him help, make the calls for yourself to the professional’s, they will be able to help and advise far better than we can. The starting point will be for him to start talking about it.
 

Vincey

Private Member
I’d take him to the gym mate , do this myself now nearly everyday of the week mainly because I get absolutely fed up with stuff last year ,
The gym gives us the time to home in on ourselves in our heads and physically is starts all the good things in our bodies going ,
Fair play it hard to start but one thing I have noticed in gym is not many people walk out miserable, and probably most have similar stress or s**t on in there life’s when they walk in
 

John j

Mono Don
I’d take him to the gym mate , do this myself now nearly everyday of the week mainly because I get absolutely fed up with stuff last year ,
The gym gives us the time to home in on ourselves in our heads and physically is starts all the good things in our bodies going ,
Fair play it hard to start but one thing I have noticed in gym is not many people walk out miserable, and probably most have similar stress or s**t on in there life’s when they walk in
Just have a wank
 
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