Best joke you've heard...

Dropsalot

Private Member
A bloke goes into the doctors, doctors asks "what's the problem"....matey says "me cocks gone orange"....
Blimey says doc after taking a look....he's puzzled and asks a few questions, says "what do you do for a living".....bloke says "nothing now, took early retirement".... Doc says "good for you, but how do you fill your time?"........ Bloke says "spend most days watching porn and eating wotsits"!!
 
Englishman Irishman and Scotsman sitting in a bar . They get talking about their lives and their families. English guy says best thing for me was the birth of my boy he then wips out of a photo and shows the other two nice lad the other two agree what's his name they ask George he replies.why George they ask he replies because he was born on st George's day. Scotsman wips out a pic of his boy Andrew he says he was born on St. Andrew's day . The Irishman wips out a pic and says that's my boy pancake
 
A woman gave birth to nice ginger boy. When she saw the baby she started crying and the doctor asked what was wrong.Well there was nothing wrong with that , apart from both parents were black. She explained how jealous her husband is and he will kill them both, including the doctor cos he was blond and will think the baby is his. Now the doctor started thinking how to deal with the situation. He didn't had much time cos the husband arrived and he took him to his office first to brake the news. He asked - how often you have s*x with your wife? The man answered 3-4 times a week. The doctor thought that's not good for my cause. Tell me now, for how long you didn't had s*x with your wife before she got pregnant, he asked again. Well, it was 4-5 months the man said. We were not very close at the time. That was relief for the doctor and he said " Now sir , let me show you what have you done with your rusty dick"
 
2 lad's go into a bar,there are sitting for a while when they notice a smartly dressed professional man. Which was strange for that pub. 1 of the lads says he's an undercover cop, I'm going to ask so he walks over and says politely what do you do sir. I'm a professsor of logic, what's that replies the lad. The professor asks have you got a frog, as it happens I have says the lad well therefore my guess is you have a pond, garden and your own home, the says bang on how you know that. I'm a professor of logic he goes on to say your married with kids and don't master bait. The lad goes and sits with his pal who asks if he was a copper. No a professor of logic says the lad. f**k off what's that his mate replies. Well have got a frog to which his mate says no.











Well f**k off you w**k*r says the lad
 
Alan Carr ??
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lol
 
What do you call a man with a shovel in his head

Doug
 
What do you call a man without a shovel in his head

Douglas

Best I got
 
Did you hear about the woman winning the annual strawberry picking competition in Amsterdam last week ?

She had no legs, jammy c**t :)
 
if the answer is cockrobin, what is the question?


- what's that up my arse batman


FML I've been around sites too long :( haha
 
what did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?.
gloves..
just kidding don't what he got, he's not opened it yet.
 
Man walks into the doctors wrapped in cling film and says doctor I think I'm going mad, I can't help getting getting naked and wrapping myself in cling film !!
Doctor replies: Yea I can clearly see your nuts!!!
 
a pakki got killed by a hit and run driver outside my house yesterday. i kept thinking that it could have been me. then again, i cant drive
 
I've developed a taste for fabric conditioner.

My doctor says it's just Comfort eating.
 
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